Demons

There she is,

I hesitate.

She sits there – uncomfortable, self conscious,

and hating the world.

~

Does she realize how much she has?

Does she realize how she has everything I ever wanted?

How could she hate the world, then?

What did he do to her?

~

Oh, right – he gave her an amazing life:

Friends who love her no matter what,

A family that cares and wants the best for her,

And a guy that doesn’t take her for granted.

~

A life that any girl would be grateful for –

A life full of love, a life shared with others,

A life that anyone else would want –

But not her.

~

No – her true wishes are for it all to stop.

All of it – the despair, the depression, the delusion.

None of those things mean anything

If she can’t experience them fully.

~

The inhibitors in her life are brutal:

They beat her, curse her, push her down –

They repeat this day after day after day.

The pain, the hurt, the remorse, the guilt –

bearing down on her, threatening her, damaging her.

~

One day it may become too much,

One day she may not get back up.

And when that day comes, she will need us –

Each of us, no matter where we are.

~

We must be there for her,

We must show her we care.

We must battle her demons with her,

Prove to her that she can beat it.

~

For as we battle her demons, we will battle our own

And learn for ourselves exactly what must be known.

That love conquers all, even replaces it too;

And this is what we must learn how to do.

~

I stood there thinking all this through

And then walked across the room.

“May I sit here?” I asked

And she looked up at me and smiled, “Of course you may.”

~

Her smile lifted my spirits and my heart fluttered,

It was like seeing the sun after a year of storms.

The moment she smiled I thought to myself

“Perhaps she has defeated her demons yet.”

~~~~

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

The Void

The void –

That blank, empty space that cannot be filled,

No matter how hard we try.

~

The thoughts –

Those ideas we cannot seem to dismiss,

No matter how hard we endeavor.

~

The actions –

Those behaviors that make us who we are,

No matter what others tell us.

~

The person –

Who we are: not only in the dark, but also in the light;

Not who the world thinks we should be, but who we truly are.

~

This all contributes to the world as we know it,

But do we truly know ourselves?

Without this self-knowledge,

The world would fail to have meaning.

~

For through us the world cultivates a meaning of its own.

~~~~

Fare thee well!

Karen Alyse

A Brand New James Patterson Joke!

karenalyse:

This is so great ohmygosh.

Originally posted on Dysfunctional Literacy:

James Patterson's co-authors wrote five books in the time it took to take this picture.   (image via Wikimedia)

James Patterson’s co-authors wrote two books in the time it took to take this picture. (image via Wikimedia)

It’s tough to write a James Patterson joke because you know that very few people are going to get it, and the very few who do understand it probably won’t think it’s funny.  Despite these obstacles, I felt again compelled to write another…

BRAND NEW JAMES PATTERSON JOKE!

*****

James Patterson, Stephen King, John Grisham, Janet Evanovich, Danielle Steel, and an unknown author were competing to see who could write a 300-page novel in the fastest time.  The six authors gathered at a coffee shop, pulled out their laptops, tablets, and other assorted writing devices, and began composing furiously.

While the other authors stared at screens and tapped at keyboards, James Patterson sat back on a couch, smoked a cigar, and drank coffee.  I don’t know if James Patterson really smokes cigars and drinks…

View original 159 more words

College friends…

Alright, so I haven’t actually met many people here, the majority of the people I know here are people I knew before I got here… anywho, I have a few new friends though!

Hanna – One of my roommates who I’ve grown pretty close to, we are extremely similar… in basically everything.

Kaitlyn – She is just like me, anxiety, loves writing, english major with an emphasis on creative writing. :)

Danny – One of my home teachers, he’s pretty cool. And I threatened his life so you could say we are pretty close. >:D

Adam – The other half of the home teachers equation, he’s pretty cool too. Haven’t threatened his life yet.

Lloyd – I met him mainly because I wanted to watch Edward Scissorhands…. I felt really bad about it too so I made an effort to get to know him and he’s a really great guy. We went on a date and realized how horrible we are at mini-golf, but we cover it up by saying that we’re expert mini-golfers. No one even questions it. mwahahahaha!

Chaylyn (Chay) – She sits by me in humanities and makes the class bearable. She’s also a pretty great listener.

Annika – Also sits by me in humanities, haven’t gotten to hang out with her just yet but I know her pretty well, I think.

Gabby – This chick is awesome. She’s in my physics lab group and I just love getting to hang out with her (even though we’re supposed to be working on our labs)

Ethan – I guess he’s cool, I mean….  He’s in my physics lab group and understands basically everything we don’t so… Yeah, he’s pretty cool.

Ver – First off, this name is awesome! Second he’s way cool and in my physics lab gorup as well. He and I kinda slack off when Gabby and Ethan are working and then when Gabby is slacking off we take turns helping Ethan out.

McKenna – In my english class and she’s pretty great. I’ve gotten to hang out with her (doing english homework) before.

Eli – He is in my english class and he’s extremely helpful because our teacher doesn’t explain things very well all the time. So it’s good to have friends like him around.

So….. I mean…. Idk. That’s not very many people…. but it’s cool. I’m doing alright and surviving.

Welp, fare thee well!!!

Karen Alyse <3

C’est la vie!

Alright guys… I got super busy after July this summer so that’s why I haven’t posted anything in what? 3 months? And now you get 3 posts and a re-blog from me? I hope you all forgive me!

Let’s recap each month… shall we?

July:

- I was working at the theater constantly

- The people I babysit for were out of town

- I went swimming a few times with friends

But mainly for July I just worked and watched the Big Bang Theory.

August:

- I had a goodbye picnic with some of my really good friends

- I worked at the theater a lot and got to train my friend Evan in concessions

- I also worked at CAbi about 2-3 days a week for like 6 hours each

- I didn’t have any babysitting jobs :(

- I basically slept and worked until the 12th rolled around, that was when I visited my best friend Joann in California for a whole week (for her birthday)

- After that I worked for about a week in between the California trip and then the New York trip

- After the New York trip (towards the very end of August, last 3 days) my boyfriend came to visit me and he stayed for 5 days at my house

- We got to go to Six Flags twice (my family got season passes)

That is basically August in a nutshell. It was rather busy. I hope y’all remember that I did post about how there would be a lot of travel in my future.

September:

- I was no longer working at Cinemark or CAbi (I went seasonal with both)

- I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend on the 2nd day of this month (also the day we broke up)

- I hung out with my twin, Sara, as often as possible before I had to leave for college

- I was pretty depressed. Gonna be honest here

- I had my birthday on a Sunday so I had a “birthday party” on Monday morning and then I had a few friends come over later that night because they couldn’t make it earlier

- My mom and I shopped for stuff for college

- My family went to Six Flags with our friends Michaella, Keaton, and Kallee

- I had to pack up my room so that I could leave for college (this literally took forever!!! And I didn’t even bring a lot of stuff to college, I packed most of it up and put it in bins or my closet)

- I drove with my parents up to Idaho (3 day journey)

- We got my stuff moved into my dorm and I went shopping for some more college stuff

- I attended the BYU-I Get Connected activities and hung out with my roommates Michaella and Hanna

- I started class on the 15th (my sister’s birthday)

- My roommates and I started watching movies every Friday and Saturday night

Friday: Scary movies (usually)

Saturday: Any kind of movies

- I met my FHE brothers and sisters

So that is September. Some of what is to follow/or what is above may accidentally be placed in the wrong month

October:

- I got a calling in the Rexburg 42nd Ward (Visiting Teaching Coordinator for my Relief Society)

- Went to a college dance (The Masquerade Ball) Hanna and I only stayed for 15 minutes

- Threw a birthday party for our roommate Kaitlyn

- Went through some roommate drama

- Continued watching shows and movies with Hanna

- I started going to the Temple every Friday (the first time: before my classes with my ward, every time after: after my classes with Hanna)

- I have to deep clean the apartment every week since October 1st with my roommates

- Had to explain about my anxiety to someone and they STILL don’t understand it

- Wrote my first college essay and got a 94 on it

That brings you up to date with today. I also got to go shopping today (after going to the Temple) at DownEast and I got to get 2 dresses,  a skirt, and a scarf for $19 dollars. :D

Well that’s my life!!

C’est la vie!

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse <3

Does My Depression Mean That God Hates Me?

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karenalyse:

This is so great. Extremely helpful if people don’t understand depression. I don’t know if I could have explained it better.

Originally posted on Seth Adam Smith:

Depression Suicide

I recently got an email from a subscriber that tugged on my heartstrings. It read, in part:

“What can I do about being depressed? I feel like I have fallen away from God and His grace and I don’t know my way back.”

To this person, I want you to know that I know that feeling.

A few years ago, when I was going through one of my darkest struggles with depression, I remember spending about two hours furiously scribbling over and over and over again, the phrase, “God Hates Me” in a notebook.

My experiences with depression made me feel as though all of my hopes and dreams had turned to ashes. The heavens seemed silent. And every night when I prayed it seemed like the floor would open up underneath me, and drop me even deeper into the pit of depression.

I was exhausted and felt defeated. I felt…

View original 544 more words