Satire Assignment (“A Modest Proposal”) from My Junior Year (2012-2013)

When going to high school, the most important habit gained from those 4 years is the ability to stand in the center of a hallway and cause others to be late to their respective activities. Walking through a high school where there are no clots in the halls would be horrible; it would not count as the true high school experience.

We must always be standing directly in the middle of the hallway, chatting with our best friends and making sure there is no room to get past us. Every once in a while, we must make sure that everyone in the hallway knows what we are saying and quite often we must start fights that have to be broken up by the school security guards. Anyone who went to high school would say that chatting in the halls and getting into fights were the best events that ever happened and that the tradition must be carried on.

If the clumps of cliques blocking the halls disappeared, people would actually get to class on time and we do not want to get to the classroom on time because the best reward is an office referral, which is only gained by arriving late. Therefore the clots of individuals must continue to block the halls. It is a fact that no one in the school wants to get to class on time. The idea of wanting to get to class on time is preposterous.

It is a fundamental property that arriving at the classroom on time is altogether obscene and should be avoided at all cost. So the next time you end up at a standstill in the halls, you give those wonderful saints a great big round of applause and thank them, for making the high school world a safer and better place.


Fare thee well!

Karen Alyse


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