(Yes. This is the beginning of my NaNo novel. Yes. I am aware that it is the middle of November and I am just now posting this. Please realize, I changed story plans once I reached 20,000 words on the first story of this month. It was really bad and will NEVER see the light of day again, but those words still count for these 30 days of Literary Abandon. I have chosen to share this with you because it made me laugh and I always try to think about what might make an audience laugh. I would love some input on it. I will continue writing this story from Alyse’s POV anyway, but I would LOVE to know what people think so far. Is she too pretentious? Is she annoying? Can you relate to her? All of those wonderful questions that depict whether this is a good book or a bad one. If I have hooked you with the first 4 sentences, then I have done my job. However, if I hook you with those first 4 sentences, the rest of the novel must be as good or preferably BETTER than those first 4 sentences. Have high hopes. Please. I would appreciate it. Criticize me if I need to be, tell me what to improve on. Help me out here. I would LOVE to hear what all YOU have to say.)
Intense searing pain.
My knuckles turn white as I struggle to hang on to the cold metal of the guard rail.
Cars pass by me, but none of them stop. I doubt any of them can see me anyways.
Just as my fingers begin to cramp and loosen on the rail a hand shoots out and catches my left hand as my grip slips off of the rail. Then another hand is there as well, reaching for my right and within a flash I’m being pulled back over the ledge.
We fall in a tangle of arms and legs onto the side of the bridge.
That is the first moment I really see who my rescuer is; dark ebony hair, bright blue eyes the color of the sea on a stormy day, pale alabaster skin like it rarely sees the sun, and a look of concern for my well-being.
“Are you okay?” He asks in a deep voice, but not too deep. He couldn’t be more than 18 years old.
I nod, “I-I think so…” I say as I glance back at the rail I was hanging on to, “How did you see me? No one else did.”
He points to his bike, “I wasn’t in a car.”
I look the bike over and notice a few skid marks on the concrete where he quickly stopped his bike.
“Thank you.” I finally say, almost inaudibly, “I was at the end of my rope, literally.”
He offers a half smile, “Yeah. I’m glad I was here to help you out, but now I’ve really gotta go.” I nod slowly as he stands up, “You are okay?”
I nod, “Yes. I think so.” Then he turns away from me, “Wait.”
He turns around to face me, “I really do need to be going.”
“What is your name?” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
“Drew.” He says before he turns away and walks down the rest of the bridge with his bike.
I sit there breathing deeply until I’ve come out of the initial shock of what just happened and then I stand up and walk down the other side of the bridge. Will I ever see him again? Probably not, so why did I want to know his name? Who knows?
* * *
I open the door to my house and call out, “Mom, I’m home!” A grunt from the other side of the house tells me that she heard me.
As I walk into the kitchen I notice a package with my name on it, “Mom, what is this?”
She enters the kitchen from the laundry room holding a basket of clean socks, “What is what, Alyse?”
“This.” I say as I gesture to the package sitting in the middle of the floor.
“Oh,” My mom says, “That. Don’t worry about it. You’ll find out soon enough anyways.”
I shake my head, she knows how much I hate surprises, “Why can’t you just tell me or show me now?”
She places the basket of socks on the floor against the wall and picks up the package, placing it under her arm, she says, “You have to wait for you dad to come home. We won’t open it until then and you won’t know what it is prior to that.”
Exasperated I sigh loudly and then continue towards the kitchen sink to wash my hands when my mom almost shrieks, making me jump.
“What happened to you?!” She exclaims as she gestures at all of the little scrapes on my legs and arms that I hadn’t noticed before.
“Oh, that? It’s nothing. I just took a little tumble.” Or a big tumble, I mean, I almost fell into the river.
Narrowing her eyes, she watches my face and when she sees that I won’t say anything she gives a dissatisfied, “Hmmph.” Then walks away.
I exhale loudly, not realizing I had been holding my breath. That was so close. I hurry and wash off my hands and then rush upstairs to shower and wash all of the dried blood off of my legs and arms. It’s better to remove evidence of something before people become suspicious.
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Feedback would be MUCH appreciated.
Fare thee well!