#donotbeafakefriend

I recently posted a FaceBook status that reads:

“It’s interesting when you realize just how many people you talked to/were friends with when you were younger that decided you were just another face in the crowd they could forget and now they have to interact with you. It always makes for some nice awkward encounters. Word to the wise? Maybe be a genuine friend or just don’t invest time in people. This way it won’t be awkward in the future. ‪#‎donotbeafakefriend‬

This is a good lesson for anyone to learn, but I am about to focus mainly on my faith. If no one knew this, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. With this comes a lot of close-knit community ties. We have a tighter community than most other religions. Especially with the fact that we don’t necessarily “choose” where we go to church, but rather go to a specific building based on where we live. Not only is it the building that an area is assigned to, but different sections of the area go to the church building at a specific time.

In Utah, this topic may not be a thing seeing as there truly is a church on almost every corner, but in Texas, this is absolutely a real occurrence. Especially when you reach cities that are even slightly more city than suburb. Even 45 minutes away from a major city deals with the tiny close-knit community that Mormons/LDS members are known for.

However, it’s not even home wards that we are dealing with here, it’s YSA’s (Young Single Adult wards and branches). If you thought the way we did Sunday services was strange, you’re gonna get a real kick out of this one. Outside of Utah and Idaho, we don’t really have multiple YSA’s for each stake. We, more than likely, have one.

And this brings me back to my main point. Do not be a fake friend.

When we are younger, we have the chance to meet people in our area and age group in the church at various activities and we 0ften become friends with many people this way. The only caveat here is that many young members of the church will simply tolerate people that they wouldn’t want to be friends with outside of these activities. Thus, when college hits everyone goes their separate ways, UNLESS they continue to live in the same city that they grew up in.

This is because they now begin going to the YSA branch/ward in their area and now have to encounter those people again on a regular occurrence–even more than they had before as children.

This is not an issue for everyone, but this can be one for many because they have chosen to ignore those they “befriended” as young children because they, at the time or later, thought they were “too churchy”, “too weird”, “not cool enough”, or even “merely tolerable”. (This list doesn’t end. People have endless reasons for dropping someone and ignoring them completely–This isn’t only in the LDS community. It happens with EVERYONE.)

What drove me to write about this is that I now have an assignment where I have to interact with one of these “friends” from my childhood each month who I suppose was never truly a friend. It wouldn’t be weird if the person in question hadn’t continually ignored me as an adult and pretended like I didn’t exist. However, because they did this it will make interacting with them that much more awkward. I had made the effort to reach out to them as I was at school and such and they, countless times, ignored me.

Y’all may be thinking “oh she’s just butthurt that this happened to her…”, “she shouldn’t have tried…”, “only she would be affected by this…”, “it’s all in her head…”, “this isn’t really happpening to her…” but all of those phrases are so far from the truth.

If the person in question hadn’t been friends with me when we were young children there would be no issue and this would be another instance where I get to meet a new person, but because I’ve known them for over 15 years, have known what they went through, and have seen how far they’ve come without them even thinking that I might be a friend, this is going to be awkward. And it probably won’t be awkward just for me.

I can guarantee you that the second they realize that I was one of the people they knew as a child whom they often spent time with they will feel the awkwardness.

This is not a post where I am asking you to pity me or help me wallow in my sorrow, but this is a post where I am asking you to please, PLEASE, please be genuine. I cannot express how much I hope everyone takes this and decides to be a genuine individual and friend. It is hard to realize how important it is when we are young, but as we grow older we need to recognize that nobody has time for fake friends. Nobody has time to be fake. No one has time to even think about being fake. Genuine is where it’s at. This is the only type of friend ANYONE should be. And the only type of friend that I intend to be. I will interact with this person just as I would with any of my close friends. I will continue to love them and reach out to them, no matter what because I truly care about them and I hope, more than anything, that I can make a difference in their life.

 

These are my thoughts on this topic, I hope y’all have thoughts to share with me as well because I love to hear stories and comments from people.

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

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“Words will never hurt me…” #lies

I know I haven’t posted in a while so here ya go:

You know what guys? Words actually do hurt. Whoever said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” was obviously never targeted by words. It has happened to me by strangers who don’t know me and by family members who probably think they know me. It’s not just me, though. I’ve seen it happen to others countless times. And I’ve had this happen twice this semester. Once by someone who basically knows nothing about me and the other time by someone who is supposedly a “family member” who is supposed to know me.

I. Am. Sick. Of. It.

If anyone even does this anymore, I will not condone it. If I see it happen–you can be sure I will take action. It is not worth it to state what you are thinking if it will possibly damage someone’s soul or image of themself. Take a rendition of Thumper’s advice, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” And this means you need to evaluate your words and think about what kind of effect they may have on the person you’re going to say them to BEFORE saying them. NOTHING is worth saying if it will hurt someone deeply to the point that they spend time crying over it. Sometimes people cannot control what will hurt them which is why we as feeling beings MUST work hard to be the best we can be and that means we do not accuse or assume ANYTHING about anyone.

I need EVERYONE to realize that this is not okay. It is not okay to tell someone who they are when you barely know them–family or acquaintance. It is not okay to assume anything without learning the other side’s story. It is not okay. So stop it. Just. STOP.

</rant>

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

Letter to you, even though you may never read it…

To whom it may concern,

There are many things I once thought about you.

I often found myself wondering, “How could I have been chosen?” or “How come you aren’t better friends with other people?”

However, after almost 3 years of this “friendship” I am finally seeing it in the light. Whatever it was, we weren’t friends. You used me — abused me.

You s m i l e d, teased, flirted and yet you didn’t care for me. I was only a means to an end. Used for who I am. Used for my innocence. Used because I was trusting.

You were my friend. The one I turned to when I realized I had no one else. The one who was there for me even though I was probably a very difficult person to deal with.

I can’t help but feel like you truly loved me at least at one point.

I feel it in my soul. You did. You just might not admit it because that would be a weakness.

A weakness that you would feel would destroy your impenetrable shell.

Once you told me we would be best friends for ever – not in the cheesy way, but in the literal way.

There was nothing that could break our friendship, except perhaps…. you.

We talked constantly. We knew each other so painfully well that it truly is painful to have to forget all that.

But whatever our past was before those two years came upon us, it doesn’t matter. Because you obviously think it doesn’t count.

Yes, I loved you.

Yes, you were my best friend.

Yes, I was going to miss you when you left.

All of these things are true, but none of them were good reasons for what you did to me.

I wrote to you. I wrote letters that traveled to you by snail-mail. I wrote emails that traveled through cyberspace. I poured my heart and soul into our friendship. I anticipated hearing about how you were doing and being able to know that you were alright.

I missed you. Painfully. My heart literally hurt from how rarely we got to talk to each other.

And then you, out of the blue, cut me off. You barely gave a reason. You said we should “quit this cold turkey”, but what exactly were we quitting? Our friendship? At this point we had about 2 years to go off of. Yes I still loved you, but honestly? I’m never going to stop loving you. It’s kinda difficult to stop loving your first love.

“quit this cold turkey”

The moment you said that, the instant you did, the tears began to fall. I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle losing another close friend. Do you even realize how many friends I have lost via the same methods?

Too. Many. To. Count.

But not many of them quite as close to me as you once were.

I broke down. I was defeated – crushed. I bawled. Tears streamed down my face in public. After reading those words, I couldn’t help it. Victory was yours to claim and boy did you claim it. Not only did you say we should quite this cold turkey, but you forbade me from contacting you. You told me not to contact you until you had returned, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to go that long without contacting you.

I waited. A few months. I waited for three months. Then I sent you an email.

I updated you on my life like nothing had happened, however I put a disclaimer in the email stating that you didn’t have to respond – and sometimes I wish you hadn’t.

You emailed me back, you assured me that nothing had changed – that we were still friends, but really you were planning your attack.

I periodically emailed you with updates, telling you how my life is going, asking about yours and you would play along.

“Played” being the key word.

You faked everything. Is there even anything I might be able to give you the benefit of the doubt on? I don’t believe so.

I was having a hard time with my breakup and then going to college, did you truly care? No. You didn’t really even try. You said sorry and went on your merry way.

It came time for those 2 years to be up, I was excited. I would get to talk to you again. Maybe even have a phone call with you. But instead of contacting me, you contacted countless others who obviously were more important than me.

“one of the six girls I know that I would date” and yet you didn’t contact me. I think that was a lie. I call bull.

I had to message you. So I did. I said, “Hey”

You responded enthusiastically so I went on. I asked you how the past two years had been and you gave me one word — okay so you were not so enthusiastic on this response.

I shrugged it off.

I asked if you would like to try to hang out, and it all goes downhill from here.

You told me no. You made pitiful excuses.

“We’ll I’m not sure if I’ll have time. Holiday season and such.”

Really?! Anyone with a blind eye can see that this isn’t a solid reason.

And you say you’d like to hang out, but then you say that “cutting ties” is the best thing we can do right now.

Even when you found out that I’ll be in town longer than just the holiday season, you STILL said no. Was there anything I could have done or said that would have influenced you to say yes to me? Most likely not. You made up your mind the first time we met each other that summer of 2011 and yet you played me. Friends for 3 years and yet you hurt me to the point where my heart will always have a painful reminder of what you did to me.

You once told me this: “Don’t worry, I’m just holding your heart until the next guy comes.”

But you didn’t just hold it. You stomped on it. You ripped it up into little pieces. You trashed it. You threw it away. You ignored it.

Hold it? I think not.

There is very little you held on to. The moment you could, you dropped it. But not because it was hot, oh no. You dropped it because you were afraid of the truth. You were afraid that my feelings were actually real. You were terrified of having something real. And that is where our story ends. The last words you will send – not even speak – to me are “Thanks Karen.” No emotion or anything. Just that unfeeling, senseless, two words.

But never fear. Though I will still love you, I won’t be able to think of you in a good light again. The funny thing is that when I first started talking to you and we first became really good friends, my best friend tried to tell me you weren’t real – that you were a fake. A tool. A jerk. But did I listen? Obviously not. I thought the best of you, even when I shouldn’t have. But no worries, because I will not make that mistake again.

Whatever merits you may have had, will not work on me again. Nor will I try to contact you again. We had a friendship built on lies, just as I once had a relationship built on lies. I refuse to deal with lies any longer. You have ruined any and all possibilities for having me as a friend in your future, but that’s okay. I just assume you don’t actually want friends. You just want people that you can play until they’re broken and not fix them. You’ll leave them on the floor for other people to step on and use to their advantage with no regard for the individual. But it’s okay. Make no mistake, I definitely will be remembering all that has occurred. You do not and will not ever again have a clean slate in my book. Your page is filled with warnings and I pity anyone who falls into your trap, not you. It is them who should be warned to look out for you and your slimy little underhanded choices.

But that isn’t my job. I don’t have to worry about them. I just need to worry about fixing myself and in time, I may be able to look back at all we had and not cry – but that is not this time. I wonder when that may be, but it could be years before I can successfully not cry about you. But if I cry it isn’t because I lost you – it is because I know you lost sight of who you were and therefore harmed anyone who was in your little bubble.

You are filled with empty words and broken promises, I just hope you learn that these are your mistakes and that you work to the best of your ability to resolve them. Mend yourself. You are in no position to try to be with others in any sense of being with them – friends, neighbors, lovers, family, etc.

Check yourself, dearheart, before you wreck yourself for even more people.

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

Rant on plans (how once they are made and agreed on, there should be no thoughts on changing them drastically)

So, this summer has been an insane amount of making plans and then changing them.

Some of these changes no one could have controlled so those were okay, such as:

-my boyfriend not being able to visit this past week like he was originally going to

or

-a very secret trip I am taking that basically only my family knows about, etc.

However, there was one plan that could have and probably should have stayed in tact because both parties did have control over it.

And this plan would be the trip my sister and I were planning to go see Todrick Hall and IM5 in their Twerk du Soleil concert.

The reason this trip was even thought up was because Todrick and IM5 have 3 concerts occurring in Texas, starting Thursday, July 10th in San Antonio, continuing on to Houston on the 11th, and then continuing to Dallas on the 12th. Now, I live in the Dallas area so you might be wondering why I would even ponder going to another concert when that one is the closest one. Well, the answer is simple, really. My flight for my secret trip is that day. I leave early that morning and therefore will not be in town that night for the 7:30 concert that Toddy and IM5 are going to be putting on. I was more than disappointed when I found this out. Honest. I wanted to go so badly. I still want to go. SO BADLY. But I cannot.

You see, my sister and I decided that since I wouldn’t be in town that evening we could possibly see about driving down to San Antonio the morning of Toddy’s SA concert, be there a few hours before the concert, get ready for it and go, and then stay in SA for that night and drive back to the Dallas area the next morning. It was a great plan when we thought it up because I have a car, we both have a decent amount of money that we could use on this trip, and it fit into our schedule (well, MY schedule).

But then we told our mom about it. She didn’t like the plan at all. She thought it was a bad idea because it would be too expensive and we would be alone, and we don’t know the city, and it would be such a short trip, and too much driving for me, etc. the list might’ve been endless, I’m not sure. But I did understand her qualms so my sister and I decided we probably wouldn’t be able to go, unless of course we found someone who could go with us, but that wasn’t super likely. However I did decide I was going to at least try, so I checked with my cousin who used to live in SA and she couldn’t do it. That was when it became real that we probably wouldn’t get to go so I just stopped looking for someone to go with us because I figured we just wouldn’t be able to go.

Then I went to this Independence Day celebration and my brother and my sister-in-law totally agree to going with my sister and I and we were so excited that we would get to go to the concert. We told our parents and they agreed that we could go. And then 3 days later, after the plans have been set I get a call from my brother saying that his wife wants to spend the weekend in SA. My flight Saturday morning is out of Dallas. If we stay the weekend I miss that flight. And the way my brother wanted me to do it, my trip would go up another $150 for changing where I would depart from. I simply could not afford that. So essentially, my sister in law decided the SA trip wouldn’t happen. But it could have happened if the plans had stayed the way my sister and I had originally planned it out.

It bugs me when plans change this drastically, mainly because people plan on things like this and then they just don’t get to go through with them because people who had agreed to the original plan wanted to change it. Like no. These aren’t your plans to change in the first place. Stop. Stop right now. Stop before you hurt yourself and others.

So that’s my view on the whole changing plans thing: You shouldn’t agree to something if you don’t intend on staying true to the original plan. Do not think that plans can change just because it doesn’t fit exactly how you feel it should be.

In other plans news:

-My boyfriend is planning on visiting me for my birthday instead now ❤

-My secret trip will soon be something I’ll be able to talk about 😉

-My New York church trip is going to be great AND I might get to see my boyfriend during that trip as well 😉

There is a LOT of traveling in my future. This is insane. But It’s exciting too. I cannot wait to get to begin this new chapter of my life. ❤ Woohoo college!

Well, fare thee well!!!

Karen Alyse

Boys and Girls.

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Boys.

Isn’t it always about boys?

The world is so intricately designed

and yet all girls truly care about are boys.

What would the world be like if that wasn’t all there was?

What would girls do if they weren’t obsessed with boys?

Maybe be more independent? Maybe be brave.

Maybe they would be proud of who they are.

Maybe they wouldn’t think twice if a boy looked their way.

Maybe they’d be more than they are now.

 

Girls.

Alternately, boys tend to think only about girls.

Girls are something to get. Something they have.

Something to flaunt. Something that they “acquired”.

Does that sound like a person? To me it sounds like an artifact.

A toy that can be used at their pleasure and tossed away when it gets old.

A thing that has little value once it gets old.

A thing that a boy may toss away when he is bored.

What if boys respected girls more?

What if girls were actually a special addition to a boy’s life?

 

Boys & Girls.

Together they can do great things.

Together they have great power.

Together they can get married.

Together they can fix their problems.

Together they can build a home.

Together they can council their friends equally.

Together they can dance.

Together they can sing.

Together they can do great and noble things.

 

So why?

Why do boys think of girls as objects? And why do girls think of boys as an escape?

Why do boys parade girls? And why do girls chase after boys?

Why do boys cast away girls when they get bored? Why would a girl run back to a boy who was so cruel to her?

Why do boys ignore girls until having one suits them? Why do girls think it is okay to be ignored?

Why do boys and girls use each other so wrongly?

 

Just some thoughts that I had on my mind. I’ve noticed these instances a lot more lately. I just don’t think we should truly hang our whole life on one other person. Girls shouldn’t plan their lives around a guy and drop everything just because he wanted to do something and guys shouldn’t drop everything just because the girl wanted to do something. It should be relatively equal and they should agree on the terms of their relationship. If they go to a dance and meet up there and the girl wants to talk to her friends because she hasn’t seen them and rarely ever does, then the guy should let her. He shouldn’t attempt to box her up and tell her she can ONLY spend the night with him and then when she doesn’t listen to him he shouldn’t leave without telling her. That is not the way things should happen. And guys shouldn’t feel suffocated by the girl. He should be able to be as free as the girl is. They should be on the same grounds in these areas.

Just some of my ideas and opinions. Tell me what you think! I actually am really interested!!

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

The Hurt (Mad World) – [True Story]

Mad World – Donnie Darko

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I thought we were more than just friends,

I thought I was more than a means to an end.

But then I thought you were almost mine,

When you stole my heart and left broken pieces behind.

~

Whatever let me think that we had a chance?

Whatever helped me see past your second glance?

It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me.

It was the person I wanted to be.

~

The world continued spinning,

Like nothing had ever mattered,

Your life continued enduring,

But mine? Mine was shattered.

~

Did I even have a shot at romance?

Looking back, I know there was no chance.

But what could have stopped me from hoping?

Only the knowledge of the betrayal coming.

~

Do you know what you did to me?

When you said that you cared?

When you said you would be there?

You promised me. You promised me.

But then you disappeared.

~

“I love you, too” you said,

“But as a friend”.

My world stopped,

My eyes glossed.

~

The tears began to fall,

The dark was a cover from all.

The movie was about “happyness”,

But where was the happy?

~

A few more times that day I almost broke outside,

I was broken inside and kept it hidden.

The idea that someone might see my pain,

That gave me more pain than I could bear.

~

The question of “what’s wrong?” would not be asked,

The idea that people might see my weakness scared me.

I settled for hiding, for fighting my tears,

Fighting my real emotions, fighting the fears.

~

They would not see it today,

No, not on a day that was supposed to be so good.

The beginning of a new month,

The beginning of the hurt.

~

The world wouldn’t see it,

They couldn’t understand.

I’ve hidden it away,

Until I actually understand.

~

I cannot fathom it right now,

But as my days go on I will.

One day him pushing me away,

Will be the best thing he did for me.

~

One day I may even thank him for it,

But not today, this day of all days.

No, not today;

Not now anyway.

~

This wasn’t what I wanted,

But it was what I got.

The world may be cruel,

But this is probably worthwhile.

~

I may not stop loving him,

But my life will go on.

He will still be my bestfriend,

Even if he doesn’t want me as his.

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Fare thee well!

Karen Alyse

Hulu.

Am I the only one who is EXTREMELY annoyed that even if you are paying for HuluPlus, you are still required to sit through their commercials and even now we aren’t allowed access to some of the TV shows on there? I got on to watch Pretty Little Liars and it said it wasn’t available. New shows have always been available on Hulu the DAY after they air on TV. That’s what made me love Hulu in the first place; but now I’m questioning if this is even a good idea. Hulu? Really?! There is no benefit for them to require us to have a TV network in order to use Hulu. In fact, that’s typically why people watch shows online. Because we don’t care to have cable, but like certain shows that aren’t on the regular broadcasting stations. And no that doesn’t mean “Get cable because you like one show on there and need 1000+ channels that you will never ever watch” — No . The whole point of putting a show on the internet is to make it available to those without cable. Don’t require a cable connection for internet users, because chances are they won’t have one and those who watch it on TV (with cable) will most likely not turn to the internet to watch it when they have the option of watching it on TV. Now, I’m not sure which broadcasting stations are a part of this on Hulu, so far I’ve only noticed abcfamily doing it. But maybe there are more. I don’t know. But I do know that I’m not particularly thrilled with Hulu right now so I will probably be putting my subscription on hold for a bit. This is not acceptable.

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This is the image that shows up when you attempt to watch a show that requires a cable provider.

Also, you’ll most likely be able to tell if it is this way when you scroll over the video to click on it to play it because it’ll have a key in the top left corner. And this is what it’ll look like as a tumbnail.

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Hulu has got to stop. Like I said the majority of people use Hulu for the reason that they don’t have cable. And I know people are gonna be like “Well go and watch it on the website” and others will probably say “Just buy cable. It doesn’t matter” but it does matter if you don’t want to pay for cable and like having things centrally located. I watch shows from cw, NBC, abcfamily, etc. and it is SO much easier to watch them on here than to have to go to each website and watch a show. Hulu makes it easy to enjoy newly released episodes of shows, but since this development, it’s gotten a little annoying. Now I will have to see if I can watch it on the website.

Well, that’s all for me for right now. I know. I totally ranted, that’s all good because you all most likely know that is who I am. And those of you who do not……… Hello, my name is Karen, and I am addicted to ranting. ;D

Peace out mah homeskillets!!! (Fare thee well!)

Karen Alyse