Writing has become a bigger part of my life than it was before

I know, it’s hard to believe, but writing has now become even more of my life than it was before.

When I think of my past history with writing, I think of NaNoWriMo and all of my little short stories and poems on the side. When I think of my future? Now I think of all of that with the addition of Odyssey.

I was given the opportunity 2 months ago to take part in this wonderful organization. It has given me the chance to get my voice further out there than I had before. I have grown from this experience and since becoming a Content Creator for Odyssey, I have learned what it means to say what you want to say. I had been a Content Creator for 4 weeks when my Managing Editor offered me the role of Editor in Chief. Since then I have taken on the responsibility of maintaining an Odyssey Team and helping them be the best they can be, all while working hard to get my voice out there as well. We are a team, we strive to work together, and I am astounded by this organization. Odyssey is more than just an online editorial, it is a life experience. If you haven’t experienced getting your voice out there like this, then you are definitely missing out. With all of these responsibilities, it’s no wonder writing has become more of my life, than just a hobby. I am prepping for my future as an editor, what are you doing to prep for your future?

This is my article this week, it is about Suicide Squad: 11 Reasons Why Suicide Squad Is The Best

Fare thee well,

Karen Alyse

My apologies…

I only successfully posted 8 stories in this section before the year was up, I owe you 17 more stories and as such I will work on posting those. They may be short, or long. And they might not just be in story format, but in poem format. It can vary depending on how I was feeling when I was writing the story. I tend to be happy when I write stories and when I write poems I tend to be more depressed.

Fare thee well!

Karen Alyse

Letter to you, even though you may never read it…

To whom it may concern,

There are many things I once thought about you.

I often found myself wondering, “How could I have been chosen?” or “How come you aren’t better friends with other people?”

However, after almost 3 years of this “friendship” I am finally seeing it in the light. Whatever it was, we weren’t friends. You used me — abused me.

You s m i l e d, teased, flirted and yet you didn’t care for me. I was only a means to an end. Used for who I am. Used for my innocence. Used because I was trusting.

You were my friend. The one I turned to when I realized I had no one else. The one who was there for me even though I was probably a very difficult person to deal with.

I can’t help but feel like you truly loved me at least at one point.

I feel it in my soul. You did. You just might not admit it because that would be a weakness.

A weakness that you would feel would destroy your impenetrable shell.

Once you told me we would be best friends for ever – not in the cheesy way, but in the literal way.

There was nothing that could break our friendship, except perhaps…. you.

We talked constantly. We knew each other so painfully well that it truly is painful to have to forget all that.

But whatever our past was before those two years came upon us, it doesn’t matter. Because you obviously think it doesn’t count.

Yes, I loved you.

Yes, you were my best friend.

Yes, I was going to miss you when you left.

All of these things are true, but none of them were good reasons for what you did to me.

I wrote to you. I wrote letters that traveled to you by snail-mail. I wrote emails that traveled through cyberspace. I poured my heart and soul into our friendship. I anticipated hearing about how you were doing and being able to know that you were alright.

I missed you. Painfully. My heart literally hurt from how rarely we got to talk to each other.

And then you, out of the blue, cut me off. You barely gave a reason. You said we should “quit this cold turkey”, but what exactly were we quitting? Our friendship? At this point we had about 2 years to go off of. Yes I still loved you, but honestly? I’m never going to stop loving you. It’s kinda difficult to stop loving your first love.

“quit this cold turkey”

The moment you said that, the instant you did, the tears began to fall. I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle losing another close friend. Do you even realize how many friends I have lost via the same methods?

Too. Many. To. Count.

But not many of them quite as close to me as you once were.

I broke down. I was defeated – crushed. I bawled. Tears streamed down my face in public. After reading those words, I couldn’t help it. Victory was yours to claim and boy did you claim it. Not only did you say we should quite this cold turkey, but you forbade me from contacting you. You told me not to contact you until you had returned, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to go that long without contacting you.

I waited. A few months. I waited for three months. Then I sent you an email.

I updated you on my life like nothing had happened, however I put a disclaimer in the email stating that you didn’t have to respond – and sometimes I wish you hadn’t.

You emailed me back, you assured me that nothing had changed – that we were still friends, but really you were planning your attack.

I periodically emailed you with updates, telling you how my life is going, asking about yours and you would play along.

“Played” being the key word.

You faked everything. Is there even anything I might be able to give you the benefit of the doubt on? I don’t believe so.

I was having a hard time with my breakup and then going to college, did you truly care? No. You didn’t really even try. You said sorry and went on your merry way.

It came time for those 2 years to be up, I was excited. I would get to talk to you again. Maybe even have a phone call with you. But instead of contacting me, you contacted countless others who obviously were more important than me.

“one of the six girls I know that I would date” and yet you didn’t contact me. I think that was a lie. I call bull.

I had to message you. So I did. I said, “Hey”

You responded enthusiastically so I went on. I asked you how the past two years had been and you gave me one word — okay so you were not so enthusiastic on this response.

I shrugged it off.

I asked if you would like to try to hang out, and it all goes downhill from here.

You told me no. You made pitiful excuses.

“We’ll I’m not sure if I’ll have time. Holiday season and such.”

Really?! Anyone with a blind eye can see that this isn’t a solid reason.

And you say you’d like to hang out, but then you say that “cutting ties” is the best thing we can do right now.

Even when you found out that I’ll be in town longer than just the holiday season, you STILL said no. Was there anything I could have done or said that would have influenced you to say yes to me? Most likely not. You made up your mind the first time we met each other that summer of 2011 and yet you played me. Friends for 3 years and yet you hurt me to the point where my heart will always have a painful reminder of what you did to me.

You once told me this: “Don’t worry, I’m just holding your heart until the next guy comes.”

But you didn’t just hold it. You stomped on it. You ripped it up into little pieces. You trashed it. You threw it away. You ignored it.

Hold it? I think not.

There is very little you held on to. The moment you could, you dropped it. But not because it was hot, oh no. You dropped it because you were afraid of the truth. You were afraid that my feelings were actually real. You were terrified of having something real. And that is where our story ends. The last words you will send – not even speak – to me are “Thanks Karen.” No emotion or anything. Just that unfeeling, senseless, two words.

But never fear. Though I will still love you, I won’t be able to think of you in a good light again. The funny thing is that when I first started talking to you and we first became really good friends, my best friend tried to tell me you weren’t real – that you were a fake. A tool. A jerk. But did I listen? Obviously not. I thought the best of you, even when I shouldn’t have. But no worries, because I will not make that mistake again.

Whatever merits you may have had, will not work on me again. Nor will I try to contact you again. We had a friendship built on lies, just as I once had a relationship built on lies. I refuse to deal with lies any longer. You have ruined any and all possibilities for having me as a friend in your future, but that’s okay. I just assume you don’t actually want friends. You just want people that you can play until they’re broken and not fix them. You’ll leave them on the floor for other people to step on and use to their advantage with no regard for the individual. But it’s okay. Make no mistake, I definitely will be remembering all that has occurred. You do not and will not ever again have a clean slate in my book. Your page is filled with warnings and I pity anyone who falls into your trap, not you. It is them who should be warned to look out for you and your slimy little underhanded choices.

But that isn’t my job. I don’t have to worry about them. I just need to worry about fixing myself and in time, I may be able to look back at all we had and not cry – but that is not this time. I wonder when that may be, but it could be years before I can successfully not cry about you. But if I cry it isn’t because I lost you – it is because I know you lost sight of who you were and therefore harmed anyone who was in your little bubble.

You are filled with empty words and broken promises, I just hope you learn that these are your mistakes and that you work to the best of your ability to resolve them. Mend yourself. You are in no position to try to be with others in any sense of being with them – friends, neighbors, lovers, family, etc.

Check yourself, dearheart, before you wreck yourself for even more people.

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

Demons

There she is,

I hesitate.

She sits there – uncomfortable, self conscious,

and hating the world.

~

Does she realize how much she has?

Does she realize how she has everything I ever wanted?

How could she hate the world, then?

What did he do to her?

~

Oh, right – he gave her an amazing life:

Friends who love her no matter what,

A family that cares and wants the best for her,

And a guy that doesn’t take her for granted.

~

A life that any girl would be grateful for –

A life full of love, a life shared with others,

A life that anyone else would want –

But not her.

~

No – her true wishes are for it all to stop.

All of it – the despair, the depression, the delusion.

None of those things mean anything

If she can’t experience them fully.

~

The inhibitors in her life are brutal:

They beat her, curse her, push her down –

They repeat this day after day after day.

The pain, the hurt, the remorse, the guilt –

bearing down on her, threatening her, damaging her.

~

One day it may become too much,

One day she may not get back up.

And when that day comes, she will need us –

Each of us, no matter where we are.

~

We must be there for her,

We must show her we care.

We must battle her demons with her,

Prove to her that she can beat it.

~

For as we battle her demons, we will battle our own

And learn for ourselves exactly what must be known.

That love conquers all, even replaces it too;

And this is what we must learn how to do.

~

I stood there thinking all this through

And then walked across the room.

“May I sit here?” I asked

And she looked up at me and smiled, “Of course you may.”

~

Her smile lifted my spirits and my heart fluttered,

It was like seeing the sun after a year of storms.

The moment she smiled I thought to myself

“Perhaps she has defeated her demons yet.”

~~~~

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

The Void

The void –

That blank, empty space that cannot be filled,

No matter how hard we try.

~

The thoughts –

Those ideas we cannot seem to dismiss,

No matter how hard we endeavor.

~

The actions –

Those behaviors that make us who we are,

No matter what others tell us.

~

The person –

Who we are: not only in the dark, but also in the light;

Not who the world thinks we should be, but who we truly are.

~

This all contributes to the world as we know it,

But do we truly know ourselves?

Without this self-knowledge,

The world would fail to have meaning.

~

For through us the world cultivates a meaning of its own.

~~~~

Fare thee well!

Karen Alyse

Intellectual Engagement: Challenging, Applying, and Understanding Ideas

Title Page For My Essay – APA Format

Intellectual Engagement:

Challenging, Applying, and Understanding Ideas

Karen A. Billings

Brigham Young University – Idaho

We all have that one subject that speaks to us – the one we just understand. Mine is English. I understand how easy it can be to use our tunnel vision and focus only on that subject, but this brings us to the point where we neglect our other topics of study and our knowledge suffers because of it. We are becoming disengaged with our studies which is causing a rapid decrease in the knowledge of our generation. Through applying oneself, challenging ideas, and making an effort to understand the topic at hand an individual can improve upon their own learning.

Applying oneself in the learning process causes an individual to expand their intellectual engagement. As I went through high school I dealt with anxiety which negatively impacted my learning ability the first two years, however as I reached my junior year I realized how important being engaged in the learning process is and that started my drive to learn for myself. I was participating in class discussions, offering my own insight on topics, and focusing more on what others around me were saying. I realized that as I applied this practice I received so much more out of the lessons. I had realized, as Butler (1976/2012), a distinguished chemistry department chair at BYU, put it “learning must be the result of self-discipline”, that I needed to focus on my own learning and not expect my teachers to do my learning for me (78). I needed to be engaged, intellectually and physically. The intellectual half of that equation was difficult for me because I was not physically making an effort. Had I been making an effort to be intellectually engaged, I would have already been physically engaged. The one cannot survive without the other. As we work towards the achievement of intellectual engagement we need to realize sooner rather than later that we will reach a time when we will not be able to lean on our teachers to know that we should think. As Plummer (1990/2012), a professor of Germanic languages, puts it, we will eventually reach a time when we will enter into the unknown of our topic of study and we will need to know how to think for ourselves in order to realize what we need to know or learn (440). I have not necessarily reached the point of the unknown just yet, however I know it is coming and I am so grateful for my many English teachers who forced me to think for myself. They never gave me an easy way out. If we did not try to find the answer, we would just get that wrong and have to go find it later. I have always been more thankful for those teachers who made me find out certain things the hard way because those who just give it to me never truly helped my learning progress, they just handed it to me without any work having been done and therefore stunted my potential intellectual growth. Through this process I mastered the talent of learning on my own despite the issues and trials I came across and I gained as Simpson (1961/2012), the seventh president of Vassar College, put it a “capacity for taking pains” which is important in any learning process (476). We should all work hard at learning even if we have obstacles making it difficult because as we overcome our trials we will learn even more and be more grateful for the knowledge we have accumulated through our challenges. As we apply ourselves to our studies we will, by extent, challenge other’s ideas.

Intellectual engagement can be improved upon by challenging other individuals’ ideas. As we focus on our studies we are sure to have at least a few questions. I know that as I have gone through my schooling I always had questions, but it was not until I started voicing them that I actually learned more. In my senior year of high school I learned the value of challenging ideas through the mini seminars and debates my AP Literature and Composition class would hold. The one topic that I always felt the need and prompting to speak up during was when we debated and discussed religion. I loved getting to express my thoughts to my class so that they knew where I stood on the issue at hand. I remember my transition from a silent, unquestioning child to an inquisitive and assertive teenager. I had not been extremely aware of my own opinions and therefore proved to be a prime example of what Plummer discourages: I just “would not express [my opinions]” to others and when I did they were always just a shallow flash of my thoughts or beliefs (438). I never dug deep enough to truly express myself through my opinions and questions because I was always terrified that people would judge them. However, I now realize that approaching any topic we should have a sense of skepticism. Plummer presents this idea of believing everything with skepticism as one of the most important tools to pure thought (474). As we approach each topic we learn with skepticism we have a need to be taught and convinced of the truth and importance of the topics. We will feel the need to have others explain why they think a certain way and why they want us to think that way. Through this frame of mind we will also have questions brought to our mind that make us wonder even more about the topic at hand. Searching with questions for the knowledge of certain topics will enhance our learning capabilities. As we learn, these questions will come to us naturally and we will write them down or voice them as soon as we can once they arrive. There are not many things worse than an unanswered question and, as it is our nature to be curious about anything and everything we don’t totally understand, it only makes sense to question it. When we question the topics at hand we are making the effort to understand new ideas and improve our intellectual engagement.

Making the effort to understand an idea will assist in enhancing one’s own intellectual prowess. Putting in the effort to understand the topic at hand is important because we all want to know a little bit about what is going on. As I have gone through my schooling I have noticed that I do not enjoy staying at the same pace as the group. Now, before we go and talk about how horrible I am for this, let me explain. Many teachers expect you to only go at the pace of the class, to only read what was assigned or research what they want you to. However, this process of doing the minimum has never been one I have wanted to condone. Of course I did it, I had to, but if I had a choice at any time I would read ahead or do extra research. I dislike stopping when I could go so much further. When I understand something, I want to continue building on that. I do not want to halt my learning solely for the purpose of “[adjusting] to the pace of the group” because I feel as though that style of learning is not as important or as impactful due to the fact that we are not given the opportunity to expand our own knowledge of the topic because we have to stay with the group (Simpson 474). I have never really been good at adjusting to what others think I should do or where they think I should be on any scale. The idea that we shouldn’t stray from the group is bizarre because part of the process of our progression is getting away from the group. We need to be set free in order to progress on our journey of intellect. As Butler mentions, spending an evening with individuals who do not know or understand what they are supposed to be talking about is a waste of time (79). I absolutely agree with this idea because I have spent many Socratic Seminars sitting with my classmates in silence because I will mention an idea and they won’t know how to respond because they didn’t study or read or even attempt to make sense of what I stated.

When teachers impose deadlines on what we are “allowed” to learn for that night it turns the assignment into just another bookwork assignment. Knowing we only have to read 5 pages and then summarize them becomes something we just have to do, but don’t really pay attention to. We, as Butler puts it, God’s offspring “have the capability…of learning from each other…and… [our] ancestors” through the accumulated resources provided to us via the internet and libraries (85). Ever since I was young, I have always loved the library. Every week that I got to go was like a birthday present. My mom would gather up our library books from our past trip and ask if I wanted to go; of course I always did. This was an opportunity for me to check out books that appealed to me, that I had not read yet. I often went to the nonfiction section and picked out as many informative books on cats as I could find. I suppose one might say I was an expert on cats in my early years of reading. This research on cats continued all through elementary school. I learned as much as I could and when I could not learn anymore I focused on another animal: koalas. This intense process filled my brain with facts about cats and koalas that most people never would have imagined. I got focused and could not quit. I made the effort to understand everything I could about my topics of study which is what I believe we should all do when it comes to all of our areas of study.

While it can be a good practice to get so involved in one topic that we just cannot focus on anything else, it can also be damaging. We need to involve all of our topics of study in our studying process. Working hard to know more about our topic, applying ourselves in the learning process, and questioning everything are all good ways to improve our intellectual engagement in our topics of study. As we continue to apply these three important tools we will find ourselves even more knowledgeable than we ever thought we could be.

References

Butler, E. A. (1976/2012) Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. In R. Seamons, The marks of an educated man (pp. 77-88) Rexburg, Idaho: Brigham Young University – Idaho.

Simpson, A. (1961/2012) The marks of an educated man. In R. Seamons, The marks of an educated man (pp. 473-477) Rexburg, Idaho: Brigham Young University – Idaho.

Plummer, T.G. (1990/2012) Diagnosing and treating the Ophelia syndrome. In R. Seamons, The marks of an educated man (pp. 438-447) Rexburg, Idaho: Brigham Young University – Idaho.

~~~~

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

Hah. I have way too much fun writing things like this… I haven’t even experienced this before either… Hopefully will soon, though ;)

Yep. It’s me again. It’s sorta been a while… Well this is just something I wrote this morning cuz I was bored. Good stuff. I get all giddy when I do stuff like this cuz I don’t even know if I’m doing it correctly because I know nothing about these things… Well. Enjoy my non-understanding of topics like kisses and such. These types of posts may come up more often. :3

Walking hand in hand with Him just felt right. Like we were meant to be. I wouldn’t have been able to explain it to someone if they had asked, I just knew, in that moment, that we belonged together. Him and me. Me and Him. We. As we followed the sidewalk into an area furnished with many overhanging trees, I sighed and breathed in the lovely scent of the honeysuckle bushes that were littered along the trail. Then all too soon He stopped walking. I made a sound of slight outrage, but then I felt an arm slip around my waist, His arm. I felt Him pull me closer and closer and closer until there was barely any room between us, “you are my everything, sweetheart.” And then He pulled me the last little bit of space closer and kissed me softly, lovingly, adoringly. And my heart nearly stopped from the amount of love I felt at that precise moment in time. That was when I knew it. I knew that He was the one. I knew that He was my soulmate.

~~~~~

Welp. Fare thee well!!
Karen Alyse

Boys and Girls.

 

Boys.

Isn’t it always about boys?

The world is so intricately designed

and yet all girls truly care about are boys.

What would the world be like if that wasn’t all there was?

What would girls do if they weren’t obsessed with boys?

Maybe be more independent? Maybe be brave.

Maybe they would be proud of who they are.

Maybe they wouldn’t think twice if a boy looked their way.

Maybe they’d be more than they are now.

 

Girls.

Alternately, boys tend to think only about girls.

Girls are something to get. Something they have.

Something to flaunt. Something that they “acquired”.

Does that sound like a person? To me it sounds like an artifact.

A toy that can be used at their pleasure and tossed away when it gets old.

A thing that has little value once it gets old.

A thing that a boy may toss away when he is bored.

What if boys respected girls more?

What if girls were actually a special addition to a boy’s life?

 

Boys & Girls.

Together they can do great things.

Together they have great power.

Together they can get married.

Together they can fix their problems.

Together they can build a home.

Together they can council their friends equally.

Together they can dance.

Together they can sing.

Together they can do great and noble things.

 

So why?

Why do boys think of girls as objects? And why do girls think of boys as an escape?

Why do boys parade girls? And why do girls chase after boys?

Why do boys cast away girls when they get bored? Why would a girl run back to a boy who was so cruel to her?

Why do boys ignore girls until having one suits them? Why do girls think it is okay to be ignored?

Why do boys and girls use each other so wrongly?

 

Just some thoughts that I had on my mind. I’ve noticed these instances a lot more lately. I just don’t think we should truly hang our whole life on one other person. Girls shouldn’t plan their lives around a guy and drop everything just because he wanted to do something and guys shouldn’t drop everything just because the girl wanted to do something. It should be relatively equal and they should agree on the terms of their relationship. If they go to a dance and meet up there and the girl wants to talk to her friends because she hasn’t seen them and rarely ever does, then the guy should let her. He shouldn’t attempt to box her up and tell her she can ONLY spend the night with him and then when she doesn’t listen to him he shouldn’t leave without telling her. That is not the way things should happen. And guys shouldn’t feel suffocated by the girl. He should be able to be as free as the girl is. They should be on the same grounds in these areas.

Just some of my ideas and opinions. Tell me what you think! I actually am really interested!!

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

Silver-Lined Heart (Write Alike Poem) from my Senior Year (2013-2014)

I’m for reckless abandon

and spontaneous celebrations of nothing at all,

like those times when no one is around you

and your automatic reaction is to dance around with no inhibitions!

See things you hate, things you despise,

student drivers who aren’t aware of their blinkers,

driving 5 miles per hour below the speed limit,

that’s all well and good.

And as far as sending text messages goes,

I guess you should.

it might just be a text that saves someone’s life,

brings true happiness to a friend or true love to adults.

But as far as what soothes me, what inspires and moves me,

honesty behooves me to tell you your rage doesn’t move me.

See, like the darkest of clouds my heart has a silver lining,

which does not harken to the loudest whining,

but beats and stirs and grows ever more

when I learn of the things you’re actually for.

That’s why I’m for leaps of faith, perfect love, and stories of friendship,

nothing but the music of successful long distance friendships.

For the fact of love being true

the way it is portrayed in love stories that we may just know it.

For movies when you need them,

and books when you need them.

And the wisdom to know the difference.

I’m for wishes upon stars, for friendships that endure,

for unconditional and divine and wise true love,

that it will always grow and burn throughout trials.

For dancing in the rain, and for the rain itself,

by which I mean the individual raindrops. Definitely for the raindrops.

Warm hoodies, and homemade chocolate shakes,

And stories written with your own imagination in the comfort of your home:

I’m for all of these.

So don’t waste my time and your curses on verses

about what you are against, despise, and abhor.

Tell me what inspires you, what fulfills and fires you,

put your precious pen to paper and tell me what you’re for!

 

~~~~

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

Cruel as It Is, We Somehow Go On (Write Alike Short Story) from my Senior Year (2013-2014)

Sometimes the fandom life is cruel.

That is ultimately the fundamental lesson here, as fangirls wail, celebrities sleep calmly in hotels, and the angsty teens lie unclaimed in the rubble that once was real life.

Sometimes the characters fall and will not stop. Sometimes the writers turn evil and will not write. Sometimes the producers rise and smack the storyline like a fist. Sometimes the producers delay and split the story. And sometimes, the emotions rattle and heave and split in two.

Sometimes the fandom life is cruel.

And always, when it is, we do the same thing. We dig ourselves out. We weep and mourn, we recover and memorialize the fallen, we rebuild our hopes. And we go on. This is the price of being a fangirl. And also, arguably, the noblest fandoms.

Sometimes the fandom life is cruel, and you have no choice but to accept that as part of the bargain called fangirling. And when it is your turn to deal with it, you try.

But what if it’s always your turn?

Surely some hopeless, tear-streaked fangirl can be forgiven for thinking it is always her turn this evening, two minutes after the most angsty fandom in the world saw its episode airing delayed by the strongest force it has ever known, an evil producing monster. Surely, the rest of us watching from afar, experiencing tragedy and devastation from the comfort of desk chairs and living room couches, are tempted to believe the same thing.

Bad enough, fangirls are wretchedly poor. Bad enough they have a history of emotional instability and weakness, of being ignored by the major powers when it is not being exploited by them. Bad enough, all that, yet at the end of the day, those are disasters authored by the producers hands, by producers greed, producers corruption, producers economic predation.

Sometimes, though, you have to wonder if the producers themselves are not conspiring against these feisty little fangirls.

After 1995, when A&E’s Pride and Prejudice was aired, after 2005, when Doctor Who was revived and swept away over 500 fangirls, after 2006 when the mercy of Robin Hood helped over 2,000 souls, after 2010, when Sherlock aired only three episodes and Downton Abbey made a stir, followed by Merlin’s newfound fame which captured even more, after the double whammy of Spies of War and Bates Motel in 2013 gathered many more fangirls and destroyed social lives, through all that, comes this lifestyle – and an emotional toll psychologists cannot begin to even imagine. Perhaps as many as millions, they were saying on Wednesday.

Sometimes the fandom life is cruel. To crawl onto the couch, scanning for new episodes on Netflix, charting when shows are available, running from real life issues, is to understand this in a primal, personal way. It is to view a show that begins, “Long ago, in the time of dragons…” It is to create clever tumblr posts, donate your small funds, volunteer material and time and to fear, even in the waiting, that these gestures are small against the reality, inconsequential against the ache of a people  whose turn to fall never seems to end.

But what else are you going to do? As the playwright put it, your voice is too small to talk with producers. Even less have we the ability to answer the question that burns the moment: Why are the most vulnerable repeatedly assessed the highest price?

We are hamstrung by our own obsessions, so we can only do what we always do, only send money and hope. And watch, staggered by the courage it takes, as fangirls do what fangirls always do, the thing at which they have become so terribly practiced.

Dig out. Weep and mourn. Memorialize the fallen. Rebuild. Go on. And show the world once againa stubborn insistence on living, despite all the cruelties of the fandom life.

~~~~

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse