“Words will never hurt me…” #lies

I know I haven’t posted in a while so here ya go:

You know what guys? Words actually do hurt. Whoever said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” was obviously never targeted by words. It has happened to me by strangers who don’t know me and by family members who probably think they know me. It’s not just me, though. I’ve seen it happen to others countless times. And I’ve had this happen twice this semester. Once by someone who basically knows nothing about me and the other time by someone who is supposedly a “family member” who is supposed to know me.

I. Am. Sick. Of. It.

If anyone even does this anymore, I will not condone it. If I see it happen–you can be sure I will take action. It is not worth it to state what you are thinking if it will possibly damage someone’s soul or image of themself. Take a rendition of Thumper’s advice, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” And this means you need to evaluate your words and think about what kind of effect they may have on the person you’re going to say them to BEFORE saying them. NOTHING is worth saying if it will hurt someone deeply to the point that they spend time crying over it. Sometimes people cannot control what will hurt them which is why we as feeling beings MUST work hard to be the best we can be and that means we do not accuse or assume ANYTHING about anyone.

I need EVERYONE to realize that this is not okay. It is not okay to tell someone who they are when you barely know them–family or acquaintance. It is not okay to assume anything without learning the other side’s story. It is not okay. So stop it. Just. STOP.

</rant>

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

College friends…

Alright, so I haven’t actually met many people here, the majority of the people I know here are people I knew before I got here… anywho, I have a few new friends though!

Hanna – One of my roommates who I’ve grown pretty close to, we are extremely similar… in basically everything.

Kaitlyn – She is just like me, anxiety, loves writing, english major with an emphasis on creative writing. 🙂

Danny – One of my home teachers, he’s pretty cool. And I threatened his life so you could say we are pretty close.

Adam – The other half of the home teachers equation, he’s pretty cool too. Haven’t threatened his life yet.

Lloyd – I met him mainly because I wanted to watch Edward Scissorhands…. I felt really bad about it too so I made an effort to get to know him and he’s a really great guy. We went on a date and realized how horrible we are at mini-golf, but we cover it up by saying that we’re expert mini-golfers. No one even questions it. mwahahahaha!

Chaylyn (Chay) – She sits by me in humanities and makes the class bearable. She’s also a pretty great listener.

Annika – Also sits by me in humanities, haven’t gotten to hang out with her just yet but I know her pretty well, I think.

Gabby – This chick is awesome. She’s in my physics lab group and I just love getting to hang out with her (even though we’re supposed to be working on our labs)

Ethan – I guess he’s cool, I mean….  He’s in my physics lab group and understands basically everything we don’t so… Yeah, he’s pretty cool.

Ver – First off, this name is awesome! Second he’s way cool and in my physics lab gorup as well. He and I kinda slack off when Gabby and Ethan are working and then when Gabby is slacking off we take turns helping Ethan out.

McKenna – In my english class and she’s pretty great. I’ve gotten to hang out with her (doing english homework) before.

Eli – He is in my english class and he’s extremely helpful because our teacher doesn’t explain things very well all the time. So it’s good to have friends like him around.

So….. I mean…. Idk. That’s not very many people…. but it’s cool. I’m doing alright and surviving.

Welp, fare thee well!!!

Karen Alyse ❤

C’est la vie!

Alright guys… I got super busy after July this summer so that’s why I haven’t posted anything in what? 3 months? And now you get 3 posts and a re-blog from me? I hope you all forgive me!

Let’s recap each month… shall we?

July:

– I was working at the theater constantly

– The people I babysit for were out of town

– I went swimming a few times with friends

But mainly for July I just worked and watched the Big Bang Theory.

August:

– I had a goodbye picnic with some of my really good friends

– I worked at the theater a lot and got to train my friend Evan in concessions

– I also worked at CAbi about 2-3 days a week for like 6 hours each

– I didn’t have any babysitting jobs 😦

– I basically slept and worked until the 12th rolled around, that was when I visited my best friend Joann in California for a whole week (for her birthday)

– After that I worked for about a week in between the California trip and then the New York trip

– After the New York trip (towards the very end of August, last 3 days) my boyfriend came to visit me and he stayed for 5 days at my house

– We got to go to Six Flags twice (my family got season passes)

That is basically August in a nutshell. It was rather busy. I hope y’all remember that I did post about how there would be a lot of travel in my future.

September:

– I was no longer working at Cinemark or CAbi (I went seasonal with both)

– I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend on the 2nd day of this month (also the day we broke up)

– I hung out with my twin, Sara, as often as possible before I had to leave for college

– I was pretty depressed. Gonna be honest here

– I had my birthday on a Sunday so I had a “birthday party” on Monday morning and then I had a few friends come over later that night because they couldn’t make it earlier

– My mom and I shopped for stuff for college

– My family went to Six Flags with our friends Michaella, Keaton, and Kallee

– I had to pack up my room so that I could leave for college (this literally took forever!!! And I didn’t even bring a lot of stuff to college, I packed most of it up and put it in bins or my closet)

– I drove with my parents up to Idaho (3 day journey)

– We got my stuff moved into my dorm and I went shopping for some more college stuff

– I attended the BYU-I Get Connected activities and hung out with my roommates Michaella and Hanna

– I started class on the 15th (my sister’s birthday)

– My roommates and I started watching movies every Friday and Saturday night

Friday: Scary movies (usually)

Saturday: Any kind of movies

– I met my FHE brothers and sisters

So that is September. Some of what is to follow/or what is above may accidentally be placed in the wrong month

October:

– I got a calling in the Rexburg 42nd Ward (Visiting Teaching Coordinator for my Relief Society)

– Went to a college dance (The Masquerade Ball) Hanna and I only stayed for 15 minutes

– Threw a birthday party for our roommate Kaitlyn

– Went through some roommate drama

– Continued watching shows and movies with Hanna

– I started going to the Temple every Friday (the first time: before my classes with my ward, every time after: after my classes with Hanna)

– I have to deep clean the apartment every week since October 1st with my roommates

– Had to explain about my anxiety to someone and they STILL don’t understand it

– Wrote my first college essay and got a 94 on it

That brings you up to date with today. I also got to go shopping today (after going to the Temple) at DownEast and I got to get 2 dresses,  a skirt, and a scarf for $19 dollars. 😀

Well that’s my life!!

C’est la vie!

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse ❤

Intellectual Engagement: Challenging, Applying, and Understanding Ideas

Title Page For My Essay – APA Format

Intellectual Engagement:

Challenging, Applying, and Understanding Ideas

Karen A. Billings

Brigham Young University – Idaho

We all have that one subject that speaks to us – the one we just understand. Mine is English. I understand how easy it can be to use our tunnel vision and focus only on that subject, but this brings us to the point where we neglect our other topics of study and our knowledge suffers because of it. We are becoming disengaged with our studies which is causing a rapid decrease in the knowledge of our generation. Through applying oneself, challenging ideas, and making an effort to understand the topic at hand an individual can improve upon their own learning.

Applying oneself in the learning process causes an individual to expand their intellectual engagement. As I went through high school I dealt with anxiety which negatively impacted my learning ability the first two years, however as I reached my junior year I realized how important being engaged in the learning process is and that started my drive to learn for myself. I was participating in class discussions, offering my own insight on topics, and focusing more on what others around me were saying. I realized that as I applied this practice I received so much more out of the lessons. I had realized, as Butler (1976/2012), a distinguished chemistry department chair at BYU, put it “learning must be the result of self-discipline”, that I needed to focus on my own learning and not expect my teachers to do my learning for me (78). I needed to be engaged, intellectually and physically. The intellectual half of that equation was difficult for me because I was not physically making an effort. Had I been making an effort to be intellectually engaged, I would have already been physically engaged. The one cannot survive without the other. As we work towards the achievement of intellectual engagement we need to realize sooner rather than later that we will reach a time when we will not be able to lean on our teachers to know that we should think. As Plummer (1990/2012), a professor of Germanic languages, puts it, we will eventually reach a time when we will enter into the unknown of our topic of study and we will need to know how to think for ourselves in order to realize what we need to know or learn (440). I have not necessarily reached the point of the unknown just yet, however I know it is coming and I am so grateful for my many English teachers who forced me to think for myself. They never gave me an easy way out. If we did not try to find the answer, we would just get that wrong and have to go find it later. I have always been more thankful for those teachers who made me find out certain things the hard way because those who just give it to me never truly helped my learning progress, they just handed it to me without any work having been done and therefore stunted my potential intellectual growth. Through this process I mastered the talent of learning on my own despite the issues and trials I came across and I gained as Simpson (1961/2012), the seventh president of Vassar College, put it a “capacity for taking pains” which is important in any learning process (476). We should all work hard at learning even if we have obstacles making it difficult because as we overcome our trials we will learn even more and be more grateful for the knowledge we have accumulated through our challenges. As we apply ourselves to our studies we will, by extent, challenge other’s ideas.

Intellectual engagement can be improved upon by challenging other individuals’ ideas. As we focus on our studies we are sure to have at least a few questions. I know that as I have gone through my schooling I always had questions, but it was not until I started voicing them that I actually learned more. In my senior year of high school I learned the value of challenging ideas through the mini seminars and debates my AP Literature and Composition class would hold. The one topic that I always felt the need and prompting to speak up during was when we debated and discussed religion. I loved getting to express my thoughts to my class so that they knew where I stood on the issue at hand. I remember my transition from a silent, unquestioning child to an inquisitive and assertive teenager. I had not been extremely aware of my own opinions and therefore proved to be a prime example of what Plummer discourages: I just “would not express [my opinions]” to others and when I did they were always just a shallow flash of my thoughts or beliefs (438). I never dug deep enough to truly express myself through my opinions and questions because I was always terrified that people would judge them. However, I now realize that approaching any topic we should have a sense of skepticism. Plummer presents this idea of believing everything with skepticism as one of the most important tools to pure thought (474). As we approach each topic we learn with skepticism we have a need to be taught and convinced of the truth and importance of the topics. We will feel the need to have others explain why they think a certain way and why they want us to think that way. Through this frame of mind we will also have questions brought to our mind that make us wonder even more about the topic at hand. Searching with questions for the knowledge of certain topics will enhance our learning capabilities. As we learn, these questions will come to us naturally and we will write them down or voice them as soon as we can once they arrive. There are not many things worse than an unanswered question and, as it is our nature to be curious about anything and everything we don’t totally understand, it only makes sense to question it. When we question the topics at hand we are making the effort to understand new ideas and improve our intellectual engagement.

Making the effort to understand an idea will assist in enhancing one’s own intellectual prowess. Putting in the effort to understand the topic at hand is important because we all want to know a little bit about what is going on. As I have gone through my schooling I have noticed that I do not enjoy staying at the same pace as the group. Now, before we go and talk about how horrible I am for this, let me explain. Many teachers expect you to only go at the pace of the class, to only read what was assigned or research what they want you to. However, this process of doing the minimum has never been one I have wanted to condone. Of course I did it, I had to, but if I had a choice at any time I would read ahead or do extra research. I dislike stopping when I could go so much further. When I understand something, I want to continue building on that. I do not want to halt my learning solely for the purpose of “[adjusting] to the pace of the group” because I feel as though that style of learning is not as important or as impactful due to the fact that we are not given the opportunity to expand our own knowledge of the topic because we have to stay with the group (Simpson 474). I have never really been good at adjusting to what others think I should do or where they think I should be on any scale. The idea that we shouldn’t stray from the group is bizarre because part of the process of our progression is getting away from the group. We need to be set free in order to progress on our journey of intellect. As Butler mentions, spending an evening with individuals who do not know or understand what they are supposed to be talking about is a waste of time (79). I absolutely agree with this idea because I have spent many Socratic Seminars sitting with my classmates in silence because I will mention an idea and they won’t know how to respond because they didn’t study or read or even attempt to make sense of what I stated.

When teachers impose deadlines on what we are “allowed” to learn for that night it turns the assignment into just another bookwork assignment. Knowing we only have to read 5 pages and then summarize them becomes something we just have to do, but don’t really pay attention to. We, as Butler puts it, God’s offspring “have the capability…of learning from each other…and… [our] ancestors” through the accumulated resources provided to us via the internet and libraries (85). Ever since I was young, I have always loved the library. Every week that I got to go was like a birthday present. My mom would gather up our library books from our past trip and ask if I wanted to go; of course I always did. This was an opportunity for me to check out books that appealed to me, that I had not read yet. I often went to the nonfiction section and picked out as many informative books on cats as I could find. I suppose one might say I was an expert on cats in my early years of reading. This research on cats continued all through elementary school. I learned as much as I could and when I could not learn anymore I focused on another animal: koalas. This intense process filled my brain with facts about cats and koalas that most people never would have imagined. I got focused and could not quit. I made the effort to understand everything I could about my topics of study which is what I believe we should all do when it comes to all of our areas of study.

While it can be a good practice to get so involved in one topic that we just cannot focus on anything else, it can also be damaging. We need to involve all of our topics of study in our studying process. Working hard to know more about our topic, applying ourselves in the learning process, and questioning everything are all good ways to improve our intellectual engagement in our topics of study. As we continue to apply these three important tools we will find ourselves even more knowledgeable than we ever thought we could be.

References

Butler, E. A. (1976/2012) Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. In R. Seamons, The marks of an educated man (pp. 77-88) Rexburg, Idaho: Brigham Young University – Idaho.

Simpson, A. (1961/2012) The marks of an educated man. In R. Seamons, The marks of an educated man (pp. 473-477) Rexburg, Idaho: Brigham Young University – Idaho.

Plummer, T.G. (1990/2012) Diagnosing and treating the Ophelia syndrome. In R. Seamons, The marks of an educated man (pp. 438-447) Rexburg, Idaho: Brigham Young University – Idaho.

~~~~

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

Silver-Lined Heart (Write Alike Poem) from my Senior Year (2013-2014)

I’m for reckless abandon

and spontaneous celebrations of nothing at all,

like those times when no one is around you

and your automatic reaction is to dance around with no inhibitions!

See things you hate, things you despise,

student drivers who aren’t aware of their blinkers,

driving 5 miles per hour below the speed limit,

that’s all well and good.

And as far as sending text messages goes,

I guess you should.

it might just be a text that saves someone’s life,

brings true happiness to a friend or true love to adults.

But as far as what soothes me, what inspires and moves me,

honesty behooves me to tell you your rage doesn’t move me.

See, like the darkest of clouds my heart has a silver lining,

which does not harken to the loudest whining,

but beats and stirs and grows ever more

when I learn of the things you’re actually for.

That’s why I’m for leaps of faith, perfect love, and stories of friendship,

nothing but the music of successful long distance friendships.

For the fact of love being true

the way it is portrayed in love stories that we may just know it.

For movies when you need them,

and books when you need them.

And the wisdom to know the difference.

I’m for wishes upon stars, for friendships that endure,

for unconditional and divine and wise true love,

that it will always grow and burn throughout trials.

For dancing in the rain, and for the rain itself,

by which I mean the individual raindrops. Definitely for the raindrops.

Warm hoodies, and homemade chocolate shakes,

And stories written with your own imagination in the comfort of your home:

I’m for all of these.

So don’t waste my time and your curses on verses

about what you are against, despise, and abhor.

Tell me what inspires you, what fulfills and fires you,

put your precious pen to paper and tell me what you’re for!

 

~~~~

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

Cruel as It Is, We Somehow Go On (Write Alike Short Story) from my Senior Year (2013-2014)

Sometimes the fandom life is cruel.

That is ultimately the fundamental lesson here, as fangirls wail, celebrities sleep calmly in hotels, and the angsty teens lie unclaimed in the rubble that once was real life.

Sometimes the characters fall and will not stop. Sometimes the writers turn evil and will not write. Sometimes the producers rise and smack the storyline like a fist. Sometimes the producers delay and split the story. And sometimes, the emotions rattle and heave and split in two.

Sometimes the fandom life is cruel.

And always, when it is, we do the same thing. We dig ourselves out. We weep and mourn, we recover and memorialize the fallen, we rebuild our hopes. And we go on. This is the price of being a fangirl. And also, arguably, the noblest fandoms.

Sometimes the fandom life is cruel, and you have no choice but to accept that as part of the bargain called fangirling. And when it is your turn to deal with it, you try.

But what if it’s always your turn?

Surely some hopeless, tear-streaked fangirl can be forgiven for thinking it is always her turn this evening, two minutes after the most angsty fandom in the world saw its episode airing delayed by the strongest force it has ever known, an evil producing monster. Surely, the rest of us watching from afar, experiencing tragedy and devastation from the comfort of desk chairs and living room couches, are tempted to believe the same thing.

Bad enough, fangirls are wretchedly poor. Bad enough they have a history of emotional instability and weakness, of being ignored by the major powers when it is not being exploited by them. Bad enough, all that, yet at the end of the day, those are disasters authored by the producers hands, by producers greed, producers corruption, producers economic predation.

Sometimes, though, you have to wonder if the producers themselves are not conspiring against these feisty little fangirls.

After 1995, when A&E’s Pride and Prejudice was aired, after 2005, when Doctor Who was revived and swept away over 500 fangirls, after 2006 when the mercy of Robin Hood helped over 2,000 souls, after 2010, when Sherlock aired only three episodes and Downton Abbey made a stir, followed by Merlin’s newfound fame which captured even more, after the double whammy of Spies of War and Bates Motel in 2013 gathered many more fangirls and destroyed social lives, through all that, comes this lifestyle – and an emotional toll psychologists cannot begin to even imagine. Perhaps as many as millions, they were saying on Wednesday.

Sometimes the fandom life is cruel. To crawl onto the couch, scanning for new episodes on Netflix, charting when shows are available, running from real life issues, is to understand this in a primal, personal way. It is to view a show that begins, “Long ago, in the time of dragons…” It is to create clever tumblr posts, donate your small funds, volunteer material and time and to fear, even in the waiting, that these gestures are small against the reality, inconsequential against the ache of a people  whose turn to fall never seems to end.

But what else are you going to do? As the playwright put it, your voice is too small to talk with producers. Even less have we the ability to answer the question that burns the moment: Why are the most vulnerable repeatedly assessed the highest price?

We are hamstrung by our own obsessions, so we can only do what we always do, only send money and hope. And watch, staggered by the courage it takes, as fangirls do what fangirls always do, the thing at which they have become so terribly practiced.

Dig out. Weep and mourn. Memorialize the fallen. Rebuild. Go on. And show the world once againa stubborn insistence on living, despite all the cruelties of the fandom life.

~~~~

Fare thee well!!

Karen Alyse

Satire Assignment (“A Modest Proposal”) from My Junior Year (2012-2013)

When going to high school, the most important habit gained from those 4 years is the ability to stand in the center of a hallway and cause others to be late to their respective activities. Walking through a high school where there are no clots in the halls would be horrible; it would not count as the true high school experience.

We must always be standing directly in the middle of the hallway, chatting with our best friends and making sure there is no room to get past us. Every once in a while, we must make sure that everyone in the hallway knows what we are saying and quite often we must start fights that have to be broken up by the school security guards. Anyone who went to high school would say that chatting in the halls and getting into fights were the best events that ever happened and that the tradition must be carried on.

If the clumps of cliques blocking the halls disappeared, people would actually get to class on time and we do not want to get to the classroom on time because the best reward is an office referral, which is only gained by arriving late. Therefore the clots of individuals must continue to block the halls. It is a fact that no one in the school wants to get to class on time. The idea of wanting to get to class on time is preposterous.

It is a fundamental property that arriving at the classroom on time is altogether obscene and should be avoided at all cost. So the next time you end up at a standstill in the halls, you give those wonderful saints a great big round of applause and thank them, for making the high school world a safer and better place.

~~~~~~~

Fare thee well!

Karen Alyse

Speech: Words

This was an assignment I had to do in my Speech class. I had to get 10 different descriptive words from a close friend, a parent, and a peer. This is what the final product ended up being.

Fare thee well!!!

-Karen Alyse

Samsung Galaxy Tab 3 – White. 7.0″ — UPDATED!

So… I went ahead and bought it. I also bothered to buy a case for it and I’m contemplating a Koala speaker ;D I’ll attach pictures at the end. I promise.

I’m super excited and my brother said that I did well on buying it so I think I did. I trust him a LOT! This is my brother Greg, but I’ve never really posted anything about him. He’s awesome. Doesn’t live close so we don’t talk as often, but it’s always fun to get to talk to him.

Anywho, I will keep you posted with my tablet once I get it. I’ve been hesitant on getting a tablet for a LONG time, but since I’ve started needing my own computer at school and my laptop is just TOO big, I decided to go ahead and cave. At least I found a tablet with accessories and an AMAZING reward offer to go with it. I will definitely be using it. 🙂

The tablet cover is a MoKo(TM) 360 Degree Rotating Cover Case for Samsung Galaxy Tab 3 7.0 inch SM-T2100 / SM-T2110 Android Tablet, Zebra BLACK

the speaker is a GOgroove Koala Pal High-Powered Portable Speaker System for MP3 Players , Smartphones , Laptops , Desktops , Tablets , and More!

Fare thee well!!!

Karen Alyse

Birthdays and football games and Robin Hood and… yeah!

So, this weekend was super busy.

FRIDAY: I got my friend Catherine/Laura to come with me to the Allen Eagles football game. Before we went we watched a couple of episodes of A&E’s Robin Hood and then we left for the game. We wore our senior jeans and walked to the game and had tons of fun!!! Then Carmen walked back with us to my house and we watched another episode of Robin Hood and ate brownies and ice cream and popcorn (too much popcorn). Carmen is a popcorn eating machine!!!!!

Then we watched some videos on youtube (Canada Please, Sad Cat Diary, Homestarrunner, etc.) and then it was time for them to leave. But it was okay because they would be coming over the next evening for my birthday party!!

SATURDAY: My mom and I went to the choir check-in day at my school and got to order a senior choir t shirt and a normal choir t shirt and a new yard sign because I am FINALLY in Chorale even though it’s my senior year. Then my mom and I went shopping for party stuff and then we worked on setting it all up and cleaning the house until my friends got there. We got to talk about lots of things and get caught up on everyone and then we watched “A Walk to Remember” and then we played Just Dance 3 and then Apples to Apples. My little brother decided he had to be there and hang out with my friends even though none of my guy friends came and then he decided “oh it’ll be okay for me to interrogate her about which guy friends she invited!” so he asked me “Karen, did you even invite any guys?” I refused to answer. I’m pretty positive that this party wasn’t his party in the SLIGHTEST so he has ABSOLUTELY no right to say that or ask that. He was lucky I let him be there.

For my birthday I got some awesome clothes, 2 $25 gift cards to Barnes and Noble, 1 $25 gift card to Amazon, a super fuzzy and pretty green teddy bear,  mint oreos, Carmen made me a poster that is a quote from William Shakespeare written in Gallifreyan, and I got lots of candy and stuff xD

SUNDAY: I went to church and then I went home and started cleaning my room and in the middle of cleaning I fell asleep and then woke up and finished up a good amount of cleaning. but I haven’t totally finished. Then I went to bed.

MONDAY: Today I woke up and went to seminary and I am so exhausted and ready to go to school and then come home so I can take a nap it isn’t even funny. I’m probably gonna come home and watch Bates Motel though… I really want to so it’ll be interesting xD

Well…. Sebastian has been on his mission for 10 months now. That’s a crazy thought 😮 Woah. I should probably get off now… I’ll post soonish… Hopefully sooner than this post was. I feel bad. D: It’s been a whole month…

Well, Fare thee well!!!

Karen Alyse